My family lost my dad (Chip Carruth) on August 20th, 2008.I've cried a few times, and I've wept once. By weeping, I mean the wall of grief that comes out of no where in the middle of the night and just smacks you. It lasted for about a minute and Aina woke up to weep with me. I imagine this is the type of grief that struck Jesus upon hearing of the death of Lazarus.
It was during this grief that God taught me. He reminded me that everything that is, that exists, that is felt...all of it....it is all for pointing us to our immeasurable need for Christ in our lives. He uses it all. And he is sovereign over it all.
Colossians 1:17 - "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn among the dead, so that in everything He might have supremacy."
I had the sincere pleasure of working with my Dad for the last decade. I spent more time with my Dad in the last ten years than most people would spend with theirs in a lifetime. Working, talking, laughing, discussing, arguing, encouraging, discouraging. This was our daily routine.
And so it is very difficult for me to be angry. I'm just not. I'm actually pleased. I'm pleased with how much time I was able to spend with my Dad. I'm pleased in the way that he went - coming off of a golf course, sudden, and with no suffering. I'm pleased that I was able to be with him as he died, to hold him, to pray blessings over him as he passed. And while my prayers of healing did not bring his body back to life...the Lord knew the events of that day before time began, and that he is sovereign over it all - even my Dad's soul. I know that God is in control of it - and that yes, it was for my own good (as well as other's).
Romans: 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose..."
My dad is with Jesus. Worshiping his creator like he always wanted to here on Earth. I couldn't want for anything more for him.
7 comments:
wow.
beautiful.
thank you caleb!
i have no words...
r
thank you for sharing that with us, caleb. very moving.
I love you Caleb... and I know that this is what has been revealed to you by God alone. Keep seeking Him in all things. I know that these will be things that you teach Charlotte and our other future children. Help me to walk by faith when I am doubting and know that I will do the same for you. I'm in your corner-Aina
Caleb,
I have never been so touced by anything else as I was reading this. Your dad was a very special person to me and your mom's family. He was not a son-in-law or brother-in-law - he was a son and a brother. Your dad was so proud of his wife and his kids and always took the opportunity to let other know how he felt about all of you. Yes, he was very humorous, he loved to debate issues but most of all- he loved life itself and his Creator that lead him day by day. He has left a legacy for you and your siblings to carry on. I know that you miss him enormously as we all do, but I can see him up in Heaven with his dad and they are smiling down on all of you so proudly as well as debating the issues of the day.
I am so proud to have you and your brothers and sister as my nephews and nieces. Words will never be able to let you know how I feel about all of you. God lead you to Aina and wow what a perfect choice. He has graced you both with a beautiful baby girl and I pray that every day you will let her see and know the love her grandpa had for her and how proud he was of her. You are truly blessed!
Thanks for your vulnerability in this... it really blessed me. I lost my dad this year too (in January). He's with the Lord too... praise be to God. I've found myself thinking about Eternity more than ever because of him being there, but at the same time, every "first" holiday without him - especially without him being a part our little Noah growing up and a part of his life - brings back a loving grief in his absence.
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